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Bobbie's Story
It's been almost 6 months since I lost my girl.
This is her story.
It was the summer of 2000. I wasn't really looking
for a horse. I had just gotten back into riding and had been riding a friend's
horse. She called me up one day and said "There's an ad on the internet for
a Thoroughbred mare, why don't you just go look at her?" (I am crazy about
Thoroughbreds, always have been- -always will be). Well, I did (twice) and
she was in such pitiful condition, but was so sweet, I couldn't resist. So,
much to the dismay of my husband (and at the ripe old age of 30), I found
myself to be in possession of my first horse. (I have ridden most of my life,
my parents had horses, but I never had "my own").
Looking at her pictures now, she was a sight to
see, wasn't she? She didn't quite know what to do with herself either. I
knew we had a long haul ahead us when she went thru the fence the first night
home. (A friend, Dear Karen, was kind enough to let us stay at her house).
I probably should have turned tail and run right then, but I am as stubborn
as a mule (and already in love with my "rescued" baby) and was determined
to see it through. I just knew that eventually we would get it together,
I just didn't know how hard it would be.
The first order of business was getting her a proper
name. The "kid" I bought her from really didn't know much about her (he had
picked her up off of some guy that was just letting her stand out in a pasture)
and when he got her Coggins done, they put "Bobbing for Apples" as her name.
I didn't have the heart to change it, so we just started calling her Bobbie.
So, I have no idea where she came from, how old she was at the time and what
demons she brought with her, I just knew she was mine! The vet said she was
probably 2 or 3. She was "green broke" and I could ride her, but it wasn't
easy. So after about 6 months, several trips to the ground and lots of pulling
back and rearing (the demons that we discovered once she got her strength
back), I sent her to a trainer. My "Horse Whisperer". Rory helped us out
tremendously. He pretty much fixed the pulling back and made one helluva
trail horse out of her, but the rearing "reared" it's ugly head
occasionally.
This is the demon we just couldn't get rid of. Bobbie
was very immature on the inside. She got very anxious and nervous around
large crowds. I didn't take her too many places because it just wasn't worth
the risk of her hurting herself. I tried to be strong for her, but some days
she just would get upset and rear and throw herself down - it was quite a
show to see- - horrifying. I'm grateful she never hurt herself badly when
she would throw one of her famous tantrums. The last 2 years I had her, they
were few and far between, thank goodness.
Anyway, I had moved to the barn of a friend in September
of 2002. In November of 2004, she started to drop some weight and had a mild
colic, which the vet seemed to think (after blood work, etc.) was probably
caused by an ulcer. After doing much reading and research on equine ulcers,
I made the decision to move her to another barn where she had access to quality
grass or hay 24/7 (which in itself, as God intended, can keep a horse happy
and healthy) and management that was more flexible (that's a whole other
story).
Well, the day I moved her to the new barn, her left
nostril starting pouring. She had the nastiest drainage coming out of her
nose. Well, we immediately started her on a round of antibiotics. It didn't
seem to be bothering her too much---she was eating well, running with her
pasture mate, etc. After a week of antibiotics, it didn't seem to be clearing
so the vet came out to take x-rays. It was a sinus infection. So, we decided
to have another vet come see and determine if it needed to be "drained".
Well, he came out on Tuesday January 4 and literally drilled a hole on the
left side of her face and flushed her "face" out with medicated
saline.
After that, we were going to have to flush her daily.
I knew this was going to be a chore, because she hated to be "handled" by
the head and I feared her rearing would return. We decided that she would
have to be sedated for these daily flushings. So, on Wednesday I went out
in the afternoon and flushed her. Thursday morning, my trainer just happened
to be out and the group was going to flush her for me. They gave her IM sedation
and waited for it to take effect. Then when they started to flush her, she
went up and over sideways and basically never got up. I will never know what
caused her to not get up. I suspect that the combination of the sedation
and the way she fell possibly caused her aorta to rupture since it happened
so quickly. I was not there at the time, but they called me at work and I
rushed the 35 miles to get there.
Of course, she was gone by the time I got there,
but I did get to spend time with her and tell her goodbye. She knows that
I was with her (I'll explain in a moment). I still can't get over the shock
of it and seeing her lifeless body on the ground that day. I will never forget
it. I take solace in the fact that it was quick and she did not suffer. That
is left for me to do.
I spoke that night with an animal communicator.
This woman lives in Illinois and I had never spoken to her in my life. She
told me things about Bobbie and our lives together that she could not have
possibly known. She told me that a Chestnut mare with a white blaze met her
when she crossed over. She gave me details about Bobbie's illness and the
color of my brushes and saddle pad. It was very surreal. The most important
thing she told me was that Bobbie knew how much I loved her and that she
loved me just as much.
I believe it was fate that led me to the new barn
(Chainey Briar Stables). They found a beautiful spot to bury her and we had
a beautiful memorial service for her about 2 weeks later. I have some wonderful
friends and I will never forget all the support they have given me. I talk
to my "Rock" daily - she knows who she is. I know that I am fortunate that
I can still go to see Bobbie anytime I want. I know she is in good hands.
I have ridden some since then, but it's just not the same. The breeze in
the trees and the wind in my hair at a canter are just not as joyful as it
was with Bobbie. She was my soul mate and I will miss her forever.
I have a wise friend who, through many hours of
deep discussion, helped me to reflect on what Bobbie meant in my life. She
said that she and a friend have decided that there is a "Horse Council" in
heaven. It's run by horses and they decide when it is time for a horse to
come into someone's lives. Bobbie was sent to me for a reason. She made me
learn that sometimes you really do need to be a little tougher. To always
get back in the saddle and never give up. She showed me who my true friends
are. She taught me how to fly. She taught me a little humility along the
way. She taught me about unconditional love and partnerships. She taught
me that worrying doesn't keep bad things from happening, so don't waste any
of that precious time together on worries (easier said than done sometimes).
She has taught me to trust in my own instinct and judgment, most of the time,
you may just be right. And don't hesitate to act on those feelings and instincts.
Maybe if I had, she would still be with me today. She taught me that there
is only room for a little bit of fear (not paralyzing fear) when it comes
to being with horses. She has taught me how to be strong, for there are those
that need me to be (myself included). And if Cada's right, she's busy
teaching someone else some new lessons right now.
I like to think that I have no regrets, but I would
be lying to myself if I said that I didn't. I never got to take her to that
first Dressage show; I never got to take her to the beach. One of these days,
I may just find the strength to love another and in Bobbie's honor, I will
not be too afraid to do the things I've always dreamed of. Bobbie, I hope
you know I did the best I knew to do and I will miss you always. You will
never be replaced. I know you are running wild and free, kicking up your
heels and loving every minute of it. So long, my friend. There are no words
to adequately express what you have meant to my life. I am a better person
for having had you in it. I will always be thankful for the time that we
did have together, in that there are no regrets.
Lori Reed
We who choose to surround ourselves with lives more temporary than
our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to
accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory
as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary
plan. The life of a horse, often half our own, seems endless until one day.
That day has come and gone for me, and I am once again within a somewhat
smaller circle.
- Irving Townsend "The Once Again
Prince"
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